Morning Meathead

A  homeless man who called 911 from the hot tub of a suburban Portland, Oregon home and asked for towels, hot chocolate and a hug.

He didn't get any of those items - he got arrested for trespassing instead.

Beaverton police say Mark Eskelsen called 911 from his cellphone, identified himself as “the sheriff of Washington County,” and asked for medical help.

He later admitted he wasn't the sheriff but informed the dispatcher he'd been in the water about 10 hours and his towels had gotten wet.

As he put it, “I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.”

The Oregonian newspaper says arriving officers arrested Eskelsen for investigation of second-degree criminal trespass and improper use of  911.

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.

After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."